On An Infinite Search

Would you judge someone by their association with a person you know to have a less than attractive lifestyle? i.e. drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, etc.

I have found myself doing it and I do not like the way I see myself… however valid my reasons are for judging the person I already know.

Am I spreading myself too thin for little in return? Here are two examples I am weighing against each other.

Last month, I made a list of all the things I routinely do from day to day. I looked at what things I do that give back the greatest and least rewards. I looked at what gave the most back to me for all the energy I give to it.

First and foremost on the list is my comic book store. Granted, the monetary rewards are not where they should be. However, I enjoy the job of making it work and the efforts I put into it.

On the flip side, there is the internet DJ job. The art of DJ’ing in Second Life (where I do 99% of my work) is pretty much fruitless. Second Life is a virtual game where you can earn virtual money and turn it into real money if that is what you choose to do. It also works the other way around. You can spend real money to get virtual money to play the game.

Although, with the economy the way that it is, who has that kind of real money to spend in this way? The art of a dance club and a DJ making anything close to profit in Second Life is non-existent. People who run clubs pretty much no longer pay the DJ an hourly fee and those who come to listen to you play music rarely tip you, if at all. On a good night, I can make about L$3,000 (Second Life dollars) and that translates into roughly $10.75 in U.S. dollars for two hours of work. When I consider the time I spend to pick and mix the music for the 2 hour event, it just does not add up to where it should be.

I have been toying with the idea of “retiring” from being a DJ in Second Life for some time now. I’ve been doing it for three years now and what I get back from it (be it money, fun, fans, etc.) is nowhere near the time and energy I put into it.

So, like the comic book and DJ thing, I have to weigh all these activities in my life. For what I’m losing out in time with the little things (i.e. DJ’ing), I could be putting that time into making greater things (selling comic books) even bigger and greater.

I love music. I always will. However, like with most things in life, I need to feel a return on my investment, whether it be emotionally, physically or monetarily.

I expect that I will make a decision before the end of month regarding retiring as a DJ in Second Life.

“I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” – Voltaire

Of course, every one of us has the freedom of speech. Thoughts and opinions should also warrant the same respect. However, at what point do you bite your tongue instead of saying how you feel about what a person has said?

People of this day and age demand respect from others. Has respect become a hypocritical double-edged sword? Wouldn’t it be hypocritical for me to NOT say something and state my opinion?

I am the type of person who “say what I mean and mean what I say.” Because of that, I simply want respect back when I give it. I want it whether my right to say it is defended or not.

Today, I drew inspiration from a photo that I took in the back yard. Yeah, it is cold outside and a bit overcast… but the sun came out to play. It’s beams shine on me and takes the winter blues away. Take a minute or two to bask in the power of the sun and draw upon the enlightenment it can provide.

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When I finished watching “Julie & Julia” starring the great Meryl Streep and Amy Adams, I took something away from it.

In 2009, and for the majority of my adult life, I have felt uninspired. I felt like I was going through my life passively. I took no actions and gave no response. I neither took or accepted responsibility. I just let things happen.

That applies to all areas of my life. Friends, work, love, health, hobbies, etc.

I’ve lost/quit jobs on purpose. I’ve been evicted from my home when I could have prevented it. I’ve dropped out of college at the start of my first year. I’ve lost in love, having cheated and been cheated on. I’ve pretty much given up on my passions of art and culture. You get the picture.

However, a new year starts in approximately 5 hours and 3 minutes. I feel a change. I feel invigerated.

Keeping with the idea of inspiration, I am creating this blog to document my adventures, trials, tribulations, dreams, goals and aspirations.

Maybe I will even inspire you.