SEX and sex.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 1, 2011 by NogginRelapse

Sexuality is a fluid organism that lives on the inside of you. It’s a dog that will bite on its self-contained leash. Truth be told, gay men are no differently sexually than their straight counterparts. Oh yeah. Don’t for once think that your straight friend is all at once this sexually conservative man just because he happens to sleep with the opposite sex. I wish it really was all that simple. Sadly, politics, the media, and the representative milieu of the United States, would make you think straight people are all prudish because they are straight.

News flash! Everybody in this world that has some genitalia is going to have to deal with sex in some fashion. Have you ever noticed that some straight people  feel like because you’re gay, you shouldn’t dare be as “emphatic” as they are about who they screwed the other night. See, you can’t tell someone who is gay, that you don’t want to hear about who they slept with if you tell said gay person a graphic tell-all about who you went to bed with last night.

The same rule could apply, if they don’t know that you are gay, and they still talk with their wing-man about it in front of you. And who’s to say that said gay man wouldn’t be a little aroused by the idea , just not the actual sex. Can someone say, submissive and or dominant fantasy? Maybe.

To be clear, sex isn’t something that you throw in a box and then pull out of the box whenever you’re ready for it. Nope, sex is going to be there whether you care to mention it or not. And your body language will say what your mouth may not. S0 where is the line between Sex Lite, and guaranteed SEX about to happen. Uh, I really can’t say.

If you’re a flirty son-of-a-gun, that line is really invisible. But one thing bears consideration… Usually, if you’ve done it with someone once and been satisfied, you’ll do it again. The question is: Where’s the pretense? Believe me. Even the most honest of all men and or women , won’t tell everything about their intentions. This is because in the end, it leaves nothing for you to learn. If you know “everything” about the person, it kinda defeats the reason you want to go after them.

And that’s the sticky on Sex and sex.

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Sick of Being Gay

Posted in Behavior, Self Help on July 29, 2011 by NogginRelapse

Today, I felt like I need to tell the world that… I’m coming out! What ? You already knew! Oh ok. Guess it’s time for me to find a boyfriend. What? You know someone that likes me already? SCORE!

Have you ever look around at the sexuality tree and thought to yourself: What is the big prize about being gay, lesbian, or queer? Sure, we get to do things with an anatomic look like, and of course that is fun. And that plays out something like this:

Wow! You have a penis…
(Looks around) OOH look there is yours,
You have one too! Can I touch it?

Wow, look at us!  We should play around with each other’s similar junk!

WOO HOO!

After a few jilted lovers and enough age, that party downgrades itself considerably. But it’s still quite a fun little roller coaster.

But have you ever been just a tad pissed off at your own sexual orientation? Have you ever been thinking? Where is the so called diversity that we say we have so much of?  Well, it’s harder to find because the gay community has helped you place labels and subsets of labels on nearly every kind of man or woman that would have themselves be a card-carrying member.

You have your twinks, bears, cubs, lipsticks, butches, fem, masculine, the art house variety, whiffenpoof, and even your leatherdaddy.

All I can say is, What the FUCK?

Is this the diversity that we are peddling to the masses? I should certainly hope not.

Wow, the gay queendom has more divison bars than a long division problem. All of these cliques have become for quite a few people, nothing more than fabulously organized reasons to alienate.

I tend to think that in many ways gay people have adapted their own flavor of heterosexual dogma. We have focused so much on being “different” that gradually we are finding out through the changing of social attitudes, and the changing of laws, that we aren’t nearly as different as the straight people who put us here. The major things that separate us just a bit are our religious convictions, or expressions of sexual freedom, and our character or lack of it.

Sometimes I get sick of my gay community and I need to forget that I’m a man who in time wishes to cultivate a sexual, emotional, and spiritual bond with a man. Before I ever knew I was gay, I was a man living in a world with everybody else, and things were a bit simpler before I knew SHIT about my sexuality.

So don’t be scared to step away from the “community”. Sometimes that “gays are better attitude”, makes the community a really lonely place. Be sick sometimes. BE VERY SICK OF 24/7 365 GAY GAY GAY!

Your nerves will thank you for the lack of drama that comes from stepping back and just being a person living in the world.

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Forgetting Me

Posted in Behavior, Self Help on June 27, 2011 by NogginRelapse

The world wants me to remember myself. The world wants me to say, “You don’t need this and you don’t need that because you are SO MUCH BETTER?” I got to thinking about something…

Just who are you better than? Are you better than Sam because you care more about others than you do yourself? Are you better than Mike because you choose to be “less slutty” with your choice of associates? All of this comparison poses a great question…

Why are we competing? If you’re competing because you have something to prove, is it worth driving yourself totally insane? Sometimes the most helpful thing to do in a painful situation is to FORGET YOURSELF. I don’t mean forget “responsibilities”. I just mean that you don’t have to have everything right this second.

The miracle in FORGETTING about yourself, and gently, valiantly remembering everyone else — those immediately in need around you — is that over time you’ll receive every gift and every tear you put in to remember others. Someone will stop eventually and think about you.

Today, I started to forget about me, and for the very FIRST time in years, I may actually be closer to a kind of peace that I have been trying to channel inside.

-NogginRelapse

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Who’s THE 1?

Posted in Love, Relationships on June 24, 2011 by NogginRelapse

Sometimes when we fall in love, the level of bodily contact is often the sole indicator that most of us cleave to in analyzing the question: Does this person really like me? We don’t look at things that have nothing to do with the way they look. We share pictures with them. We exchange phone numbers with them. We feel growth by communicating with them via telephone, and yet the really serious issue is: We don’t know who they are when they aren’t giving us affection. Platonic love is the most basic form of love that a human can have for another human. Maybe the science behind whether or not someone truly cares exists in their giving of platonic love.

I have learned that when it comes to the laborious process of human love, every detail counts.  When you first meet the person, are they making the best first impression? Are they dressed comfortably? Are they clean? Is their hair decent? All of this matters. Are they picking you up? If they are picking you up at a specified time, are they on time? Are they going to hold the door for you?

If you haven’t met the person yet, how is their demeanor online, on the phone, via email? Are they always glad to speak with you? Do they go out of their way to do nice things for you, without expecting a reward in return? Are they courteous and polite? Or are they so uncouth around you, that every other word is FUCK, DAMN, or SHIT. When you are first adjusting to a new individual, all of this stuff seems unimportant and it makes you look like you want perfection. The truth is: You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not willing to accept. You must have a keen eye for the type of person you seek. Never over-concern yourself with their looks or their sex appeal.

Loving you like a brother is the precursor to loving you like a life partner. The best partners are often those people who aren’t obsessed with your social status, how much you make, or even how long your penis is. These potential suitors are looking to see how you handle the life you’ve got. They want to know what makes you stand out from all the other men. They are passionate with their patience and if they care enough for you, they are willing to take the time to put you first. At the end of the day, you will never have to question whether these men care about you, because these men have a “make it happen” attitude. Many times, you will say to yourself, what have I done to deserve their kindness? The answer is simple, NOTHING.

-NogginRelapse

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An Inward Pride

Posted in Behavior, Love, Relationships, Self Help on June 20, 2011 by NogginRelapse

There’s an expression I’ve heard quite frequently. It says “Pride cometh before the fall.”

When we look at pride in terms of appreciating yourself, I think many of us get head trauma. Some of us misconstrue pride to mean negligence, a total disregard for tact, and even more surprising, a reason to do some of the craziest things all in the name of a party. Pride is rooted in ego. Ego is usually a very difficult animal. It’s an animal that is so very concerned with patting itself on the back that it never truly grows up.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel good about yourself. Sometimes encouragement of one’s self in the best medicine for sanity. However, maybe pride isn’t always the best to appreciate the good things that a fruitful life offers. Do you want to truly appreciate the diligent work that others before you have put in? Be an example! Drop your obsession with matters that have nothing to do with you. If anything, do something for others that involves not looking for the quick way out.

The pride I try to have in myself is the kind of animal that is desperately trying to help others. Not to get all religious on you, but I really think that we can’t have the kind of respect for ourselves that we should have, until we realize that respect is a fluid thing that builds from doing the opposite of what you see in front of you. You have to want to be a trendsetter. You have to want to be the kind of guy that isn’t proud of bullshit. You have to be able to have the strength to occasionally tell someone something that they aren’t prepared to listen to. Only then can pride mean more than decorations, booze, performances, and sex. Parties are great. Being social is wonderful. Being a slut, well that’s arbitrary and sort of depends on the value you place on yourself.

The message here is simply this. Set your standards, and keep them there. No man, no job, and no opportunity is worth lowering your standards. However, if you’re fine with low self-esteem, and a jaded, less fulfilled life, then just do whatever. But don’t say, that someone didn’t try to warn you about all those “pitfalls” that happen shortly after.

-NogginRelapse

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Finding Mr. Right Online: Why It’s So HARD

Posted in Behavior, Love, Relationships, Self Help with tags , , , on June 7, 2011 by NogginRelapse

I was sitting at the computer and I started thinking…

Why is it so hard to find the right person on America’s gay dating sites? You’ve got loads of choices. The trouble is: It’s hard to tell when someone chatting you up to know you, or chatting you up to know your flesh.

Would he also still be interested in me, if I kept my clothes on until I got ready?  The suspense is aggravated by time and the fact that no one is the same. Typically, you decide to make a profile and post a picture of yourself on let’s say, X.com. Of course, the rule in online dating is: Seeing is believing.

Then, you agonize over the type of picture you want to add. Should it be seductive, coy, or focus on only my face? What information should I add to the profile, what is the thing that gets me the hits?  After all of this analysis, you jump ahead to interacting on the site with God knows who, who does God knows what with whomever. At the end of the day, it’s quite tedious to go through all this work and market yourself to the online world. Essentially, that is what you’re doing. You do it when you look for work, you do it when you’re trying to get into a university, you even do it a bit when you go to a church.

Sometimes it’s hard to make the sell, because you get a slew of people that care more about the size of your “junk” versus what’s inside your head. So what’s the safest way to guard against Mister Right now?

Questions.

Questions, their answers, and your research suggest whether he or she is truly worth your time and effort. After you’ve asked those questions, ask his friends those same questions. If he doesn’t have very many friends or associates, that’s probably a sign that he may not be worthy enough to be your friend or associate.

Check his attitude. Attitude says what words can’t.  If you make it offline with him, find out who he is when you aren’t looking. Be creative about it. He may treat you well, and treat everyone else like shit.  Allow yourself time. It’s easy to believe someone is telling you the truth when you have the veil of technology sitting there. When in doubt. LESS IS MORE. Remember that. If you are showing your “equipment”, you’ll always get a jackass, but an ass that’s covered… now that’s real class. Sex is easy to get, it’s the relationship that takes all the work. And that may explain, why there are so many successful people that don’t mind the single life.

- NogginRelapse

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The Twilight Saga – The Breaking Dawn Trailer

Posted in Celebrities, Entertainment, Movies on June 6, 2011 by admin

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It Gets Better for Who Exactly?

Posted in Behavior, Relationships, Self Help on May 27, 2011 by NogginRelapse

Sex columnist Dan Savage says that according to him, It Gets Better. That’s the name of his highly popular campaign to educate the world about the frequency of gay youth bullying and inspire a new generation of scared, frightened young people to stay strong and keep living.

Of course, this elaborate campaign stirs up quite a bit of irony if one takes a page for the classic American film, American Beauty, and looks closer.

Dan Savage has quite the reputation for being one of the most outspoken sex columnists in gay media. His next project was “It Gets Better”. He uses the Google-owned, Vevo littered YouTube community to showcase stories of people inspired bullied youth to take heart and believe in who they are.

The biggest and most crucial issue with the initiative rears its ugly head during a recent episode of Glee, the ironic and iconic comedy drama shown to millions via the Fox Network, a network that despite its ultra-conservative ties is home to some of world’s most popular media outlets. Before the commercial has a chance to air, we see the Google Chrome moniker complete with browser functions to match and instantly we learn that YouTube doesn’t work without using Google Chrome. We also get slammed with the tagline: “The web is what you make of it.”

My question is this: When did it become fine to make a commercial about reaching out to gay youth, that also asks them indirectly to use a product? Another puzzling question that should be raised is: Is Dan Savage really the appropriate person to influence a new generation of gay youth?

I’m not sure just who it gets better for, and I am in no way saying that Dan’s campaign doesn’t have purpose. It is extremely appropriate to look at the character of a person in-charge of influencing a generation.

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The Lifestyle

Posted in Uncategorized on April 24, 2011 by NogginRelapse

There are many people who are quick to say that many gay men live their lives caught up in the “lifestyle”. My question to those people is: Just what is that supposed to mean?

The last time I stared back at my life, being gay isn’t supposed to be this fad or fashion statement that goes the way of the BetaMax. Being gay is life. And the life it takes up in your life is equivalent to the space you choose to give it in your life. I treat my gayness as a non-essential part of myself. As I understand things, My sexuality is only like maybe 10% of the person that I am. And this is simply because when people look at me from the outside in, I want them to understand that being gay is not something that defines my life. My sexuality is simply another term on a really big list of other beautiful things that make me shine. So when a person, tells me that I’m exposing someone else to my lifestyle, I get offended because I live a life, and fashion has NOTHING to do with it.

Being gay is serious business. I think that many of us need to shake off the “playtime” that we incorporate with being gay, and understand that with great power comes great responsibility.

I don’t mean that we shouldn’t have fun. I just think that if we want other people to be held accountable for disrespecting us, then we must earn it.

If you want those equal rights, you have to stop being a baby and go after them. You have to realize that the obsession with youth doesn’t last, that you are going to age, and that the things you find fun now, you may not care too much for them later.

As a community of people, gay men and women must evolve. They must grow past their “training wheels” and be good examples. Maybe this sounds like a speech, but I just don’t care.

My thing is: You can’t demand trust and consideration from others, if you’re caught up petty bullshit. In order to be sure that you don’t get swallowed up by the “lifestyle”, you’ve gotta learn to cut those fools loose. Yes, there are going to be some, who you grow out of, and all of sudden, one day, you’ll think:

What did I ever see in this person, or that situation?

So live your life people, but don’t get so caught in the fun of the hunt, that you’re an “over the hill” fool still clinging on to a youth that has gone and left your ass.

-NogginRelapse

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Being in Love with Judas

Posted in Love, Music, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on April 22, 2011 by NogginRelapse

After about 5 or so continuous listens to Lady Gaga’s latest single, I felt compelled to take to task this songs admittedly heavy-handed implications.

The song is as simple as all her previous hits and yet it will probably have more impact than they did. Judas begins just like Bad Romance with a cat call in the mix, and even the trademark artist signature call.

My thing is this song has some pretty strong symbolic references. Gaga’s biggest fans are the gay community, so it’s in her best interest to make a song that’s serious, and yet extremely fun to dance to.

Now, here’s the truth! Judas uses the scapegoat of a “bad romance” to do some pretty deliberate reflecting. I don’t know if any of you out there are Bible readers, but do a small bit of research and you’ll find that Mary Magadalene was the first to see Jesus rise from the dead, and she also washed his feet with her tears and dried his feet with her hair. Is the cause for complaint about Judas over the use of Mary Magdalene in the song, or is it more about the lyrics alluding to the very real struggle of virtue over violence?

Let’s look at the lyrics:

I wanna love you,
But something’s pulling me away from you
Jesus is my virtue,
Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to

This verse alone indirectly makes me think about the fact that in this world, many straight men are indirectly credited with being the pinnacle of virtue. However, when looking in contrast at a typical gay man… we are just SO MUCH MORE EVIL, than any other man because we are GAY. And this alone gives everyone the right to believe that we aren’t capable of a single thing that is even remotely like Jesus. Or what about the fact that no matter how good you might be, you can’t make everyone happy? There’s going to be someone who says something negative about the good you attempt to do.

Of course, Judas is also, Judas Iscariot, one of the original 12 disciples who betrayed Jesus.

Again, Let’s examine the lyrics:

I couldn’t love a man so purely
Even darkness forgave his crooked way
I’ve learned love is like a brick, you can
Build a house or sink a dead body
I’ll bring him down, bring him down, down
A king with no crown, king with no crown

Judas betrayed Jesus in exchange for silver, or “money”.

In a broader view, there are many of us, who have a “Judas” card in our hands that we would be willing to play “if the price was right”

“Judas” also alludes to the price of fame in this world versus giving up who you are, and ultimately your soul.

There are several gay men that have perpetrated a lie simply for the sake of preserving the vaunted honor that would come from being with the opposite sex. This is because it’s deemed much more honorable to have a relationship that eventually leads to “marriage”. Love is like a brick. Jesus paid with his life. Do you know that humans share the same act when they truly love their boyfriends, girlfriends and family members. Real love means pain, it means when you’re cruel to me, I still love you enough to put up with your crap.

What about this verse?

In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offensed,
Or wear ear condom next time

This verse says, either you can love me and help me get over my shortcomings, or you can just refuse and reject me, but either way I win, because I acknowledge that I’m so full of errors. I’m a human being!

It’s a case of triumph versus tyranny. The gay community has always struggled in its choice in my opinion, and this song as fabulous as it is, amplifies that.

I leave you with this question:

How deep is your love for Judas?

-NogginRelapse

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